Celebrating seasons

I was within and without, simultaneously enchanted and repelled by the inexhaustible variety of life.

                                       - F. Scott Fitzgerald

This is it. Times flies like rains in Spring, when you hear the rustling and are just about to embrace it, it shies away. The next thing you know, bang, they are lighting up the Tree again. 

At the tail of the year, it seems unavoidable to be reflective on the past 300ish days. The BBC is showing all the predominant figures of the year who passed away for the year, repeatedly and tirelessly that made me wonder if it takes extra joy in doing so. 

Oxford dictionary has chosen the word 'selfie' as the word of the year, I was intending to resume the manner to choose a word for my own word of the year, but I failed to come up a magic word can describe my whole year, so after a while thinking I think I would just draw up the classics and borrow the wisdom from Mr.Fitzgerald, hence the prologue.

Precisely as described in the prologue, my year of 2013 was in between the fascination to all kinds of attractions around me but also my natural tendencies of avoiding such: complication has been like an echoing rhythm in my life throughout this year, where I feel that there have been numerous inner battles within myself: for example, the more eastern mind of conservative and family centred tradition and the more western mind of embracing mind freedom and self accepting has been a keynote to dominate my romanic relationship life.  

This year I had brief stories with handful guys and no girls so far, nevertheless none of them are proper dates, apart from one which was a tragic fail.  It was with an Aussie opera singer who had authentic deep bass voice who speaks as if water drops from the cleanest and clearest mineral spring hidden in a remote forest, listening to it can bring to me freshness. He came across as a perfect young gentleman and a rare find among now the noise world filled with commodity fetishism. He was well presented, attired in a black casual suit with every inch of neatness on it, patent leather shoes and a Fedora hat has been the signature of him as it magically brought out the man in him: Decent, slightly a bit of english Old Schooled but also with a slice of frivolous brought probably from 'the Land down under'.  We met in a pub, exchanged conversation with a couple of wine, beer and whiskey until the time got into the way and we parted the way.   The apart had been saddened by the no response from him, however it is an opera singer and a business man, what can I expect? The common interests between us hardly filled any time when we were together at the pub, the excessive drinks did.

I also came across two boys who I truly felt sorry for them, one was M and another was another boy named T (Not the T as in my previous blog). They were both at their early 20s and had no clue of their future heads and was struggling between rents and getting a job to serve at the bar.  I felt for them because I saw my own mirror in them, if I was in their situation. They were struggling in life, got kicked out from one house to another for falling behind their rents, they cannot secure a proper job for their distorted way of dealing with people and handling a normal office relationship, their family cannot afford the comfort and security, hence they are like canoes drifting on the sea without sight of a beacon. I really feel for them because I know that a difference of their canoes drifting or capsizing on the sea was a matter of storm, and what is sad to me is all we know that the storm will come. The main reason I was empathetic with them is down to the key reason that we, me, M and T all share the same loneliness about life, despite the success of our professional life or our economic conditions. Money cannot buy happiness, friendship or love, I assume it's because the latter ones are too invaluable to be measured by any monetary forms.   I can only sincerely hope that M and T can get better ahead in the new year and grow into a more mature person with more confidence and better condition to handle their life more smoothly and find happiness.

Well, feeling that it is enough to write up for now, time to finish up. New year wishes, as tacky as it is.  After a year exploring into my side with guys, with little successful stories to tell, I was frustrated, in a sense, and eastern side of me is going to, I predict, lose to the western side of me, so I will open up further up in the new year 2014 to start to learn to accept myself and start properly set up a few dates and see how the new year will take me to. It is bold but I think I am getting closer and closer to embrace the true side of myself, and I think it should be good, as at least it worth trying while I am young.

Best of luck in the new year to all my readers who care to read into my blog and share my life journey along the way. :)

We leave the station barely moving
And slowly begin to accelerate
So we raise our glasses for a last time
I don’t remember what we celebrate

And we said our first hello
On the Orient Express
We got plenty of time to kill
And we sang and danced away
On the Orient Express
To the rhythm of the wheels of steel

I can hear them laughing 
In the restaurant
You took me walking down the avenue
So we blow the candles
Make our wishes
How I wonder if they’re ever coming true

And we said our first hello
On the Orient Express
We got plenty of time to kill
And we sang and danced away
On the Orient Express
To the rhythm of the wheels of steel

We’re getting closer to hundred miles an hour
When I saw a figure standing on the rails
I start to panic as the train’s approaching
It’s too late to pull the breaks

And we said our first hello
On the Orient Express
We got plenty of time to kill
And we sang and danced away
On the Orient Express
To the rhythm of the wheels of steel

And we fell in love
On the Orient Express
On this never ending journey home
And we kissed our last goodbye
On the Orient Express
There’s no turning back along the road